


Disconsolated Spirit

by damaged_danzy



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Cutting, Depression, Drama, M/M, Romance, Self-Destruction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-14
Updated: 2013-04-14
Packaged: 2017-12-08 13:02:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/761592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/damaged_danzy/pseuds/damaged_danzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry has the best boyfriend in the world and the best friends anyone could ever ask for. Everybody thinks that Harry, the boy with the dimples, is the happiest person ever, but it's very much the opposite.</p><p>Harry wishes that he could die.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Disconsolated Spirit

Harry scrolled down on his phone, looking for something to keep him occupied. He went down his contacts list before deciding that he didn’t want to bother anyone. He was just tired of feeling like complete shit.  


Tears flowed down Harry’s face. He sniffed and used his sweater sleeves to wipe away tears. He leaned against the bathtub and took a deep breath. He threw his phone on the cold tile floor, not even caring that he heard a shattering noise. It wouldn’t have been the first phone that he’s ‘accidentally’ dropped. Harry leaned over and opened the drawers underneath the sink. He looked past Louis’ numerous hair products and tanning lotion until he finally found what he was looking for.

Harry looked at the small plastic box of razors that belonged to Louis. Harry hadn’t even been able to grow stubble, let alone have enough facial hair to start shaving. Biting his bottom lip, Harry opened the box and gingerly took out a small gray razor. He put the box back in the drawer and leaned his back against the bathtub.

Harry rolled up his sleeve on his left arm. He blinked through his tears as he placed the cool blade on his wrist. Louis’ face suddenly popped into Harry’s mind. Pictures of him smiling, laughing, moaning Harry’s name out. Harry shook his head. He pushed the blade into the skin and winced as he dug it in deeper. He pulled the razor away, his heart beating violently. Blood was already leaking out of the cut. Harry grabbed some toilet paper and dabbed it at the blood. He thought about having one more quick cut, but the new cut was worse than previous ones combined. 

Stashing the razor in a random drawer, Harry stood up and looked at himself in the mirror. He smiled. It didn’t reach his eyes, but it was enough to fool people. Harry walked out of the bathroom and into the living room. Louis still hadn’t come home. Throwing a random pillow out of the way, Harry plopped down on the couch and propped up his long legs on the glass table.

The cut on his wrist stung. He was uncomfortable as his sleeve rubbed up against it. Trying to get his mind off current situations, Harry grabbed the TV remote and turned it on. He flipped through the channels trying to find something decent to watch. He finally gave up and left it on a marathon of Britain & Ireland’s Next Top Model. He let out a small chuckle, at least knowing that Louis would enjoy the show. 

A few minutes passed by until Harry heard someone walking in through the front door. Soon enough, Louis walked in the living room, tanned skin and all beauty. He gave Harry a kiss on the forehead before dropping down on the younger boy’s lap.

“Ugh, I hate the winner of this season,” Louis said with a groan as his blue eyes flickered to the TV. “Of course Niall would have loved her because she was Irish. Anyway, how are you Haz?”

“Oh you know, the usual. Just lying around and doing nothing.”

“Wow babe that sounds exhilarating. I tried calling you but it never went through,” Louis said with a frown.

Harry gulped. Louis was looking at him directly in the eyes. Harry hated lying to him. “I was in the bathroom and my phone just fell out,” he replied lamely.

“Damn Harry, you break a lot of phones.”

Harry shrugged. “Yeah, I should probably start looking at insurance plans for them.”

Louis giggled. He leaned back against the arm of the couch, but still kept his legs on Harry’s lap. “I had an okay day. Zayn and I were suppose to a presentation today in class, but he decided that he didn’t want to come to class today. And let’s not forget that that is his only class and it’s not even an hour long.” Louis sighed. “It’s a good thing you don’t go to college.”

“Well at least you weren’t forced into the family business,” Harry said with a slight shudder.

“But planning weddings is fun!”

“Well, after you help design and then cook wedding cakes all the time, it gets a little tiring.”

“You’re a cute baker,” Louis said with a wink.

Harry laughed, but soon stopped. His cut started to itch. He was paranoid that Louis was going to grab his wrist or something. Suddenly feeling uncomfortable, Harry pushed Louis’ legs off him.

The older boy whined. “What was that for?”

“I was going to bake you a cake.” Harry said the first thing that came to him. He looked at Louis and saw the reluctant look on his face. “I’ll make it real pretty and yummy.”

“Okay,” Louis finally said. “It better be good and nonfattening!”

“Got that,” Harry said as he walked into the kitchen. He leaned against the pantry door and sunk to the floor. Things were getting too hard to handle. He hated keeping secrets from Louis. 

Harry didn’t even know why he cut himself. It just started off as a thing to pass the time. But it soon got worse. He started doing it when he felt lonely, which now seemed to be all the time. He did it because he never felt good enough to be Louis’ boyfriend. He felt like he didn’t deserve Louis’ love. 

Refusing to cry, Harry stood up and opened the pantry. He had to make the cake for Louis. If there was one thing Harry wanted more than anything in the world, that was for Louis to be happy.


End file.
